REAL RAP.

March 27, 2012

I like to act like I’m so grown and I’ve got such a handle on myself, but I’m starting to realize that part of being an adult is not kicking people out of my life so easily and getting over things. I tend to dismiss everyone as not important enough, not willing enough, not understanding enough, or not available enough, but the truth is that I put myself in those situations sometimes, too. Two people I consider very close friends are going through a pretty rough breakup right now, and I hope that I can be there for them in the same way that they were always there for me.

I also did some soul searching the past few days, because I’ve been increasingly lonely. And I figured out that baggage isn’t anybody else’s problem. You can’t make yourself miserable all the time just because you’re afraid of getting put in a situation that you’ve already been in, and if I don’t stop sabotoging, overanalyzing, and worrying about everything good I’ve got going on I’m going to end up exactly where I was a year ago.

I want to volunteer more often again. I’ve only done it once or twice in the past six months. But my work schedule sucks, not driving sucks, and I try to spend a lot of free time with the man since I get incredibly bored without him. I’m going to pick up on a few other things, too. We’ll see how this all works out.

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All that’s dead.

March 17, 2012

“They’re gonna try to kick you around. You better fight for your life.”
-Terror

“We spent some time together crying, spent some time just trying
to let each other go. I
 held your hand so very tightly
and told you what I would be dreaming of.”

-The Perishers

“Lets talk that sun into setting. Just need the sound of your voice.
Need that calming and the comfort, something to drown out the noise.”
-Defeater

“I’m living, learning, growing and changing, just to find what this all means.
You find strength in what you hold in your hands, that’s not for me.
I’ll stay free.”

-Terror

“Goodbye to you.
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew.
You were the one I loved, the one thing that I tried to hold onto.
The one thing that I tried to hold onto.”
-Michelle Branch, Goodbye to You

One of those kinda states of mind. Eh. :/ Me and Dougie are attatched at the hip, by the way everyone. He’s one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met and he goes to great lengths to ensure that I am happy, when I don’t ask him to. Also I’ve been getting my hair dyed professionally lately and it looks awesome and I feel so cute and funky. Just thought I’d throw in a positive note or two. :]

Despite the funky title this book has very little to do with cheerleading. It’s a collection of a sports writer Rick Reilly’s articles that focus on events OUTSIDE the playing fields, with added anecdotes and whatnot. Definitely not my style, and I’m in love with it. I cried multiple times when reading about some of the amazing, inspiring, and heartbreaking people Reilly came across. And not a single column was over 800 words.

March 2, 2012

“I’m just tired of this place.”

Never really been able to form an opinion about it. But I guess I have to agree. It reminds me of that episode of That 70’s Show when Eric wishes that he never met Donna because he can’t take the thought of having her and messing it up. But when they go to take away all his memories and pain of her, it flashes to all his good memories with her. I don’t know why I decided to post this. On my mind I guess, and I’ve been slacking lately.