LOVE.

March 30, 2011

Do I get tired of posting Brian Fallon and Gaslight Anthem tributes everywhere on facebook and here? Noooooooooooooope. Got those tats on my feet for a reason.

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I’m sorry that I am irritating a lot. I’m sorry that I snap on you and get clingy, I just hate feeling ignored or alone or genuinely don’t realize you’re busy. Sometimes I think I do it just because you’re awesome and I want to prove you’re not as good as I think you are. I’m not sorry for always popping your cheeks when they’re puffed up. :]  I want this to be us, though. You rock. 7ish! Whooooo.

Hawdkoar.

March 28, 2011

I mean, Justice probably did snap and beat up that kid and the kid probably didn’t deserve a broken jaw. But I have a feeling there’s a lot more going on with this story than the rumors are suggesting. And even if there isn’t? It’s HARDCORE. Hypocrites. The majority of music preaches hate and violence, but once a band that isn’t SOSF-approved goes out and commits an act of violence people disown that band? They were stayin’ cold. It’s “TUI til I die,” not “TUI til I get hit in the face.” Pansies.
I don’t approve of random acts of violence, it IS wrong, I don’t think I’m hard enough to handle a Justice beatdown, and beating up your fans is a pretty poor representation of thanks, but WHO CARES because it DIDN’T INVOLVE ME. Since I wasn’t lucky enough to be there, I’m left to make judgements about what happened on what? A two minute video with pretty awful quality? It’s not like it’s a video of them clearly skinning live pandas or something. It’s a video of a fight at a hardcore show, so it’s pretty much like watching someone spread peanut butter on toast. And the facebook and B9 bandwagon rage of a billion ex-fans and current fans? I refuse to pretend to stop listening to my favorite band because of heresay. Don’t lie, most of you probably aren’t getting those TUI lyrics tats removed anytime soon.

TUI, I will be honored to have you wire my jaw shut. ❤

to pay more attention to my blog. Or get over myself once in a while.

Got the new Rise Against album, Endgame. Best track is probably Make It Stop (September’s Children), but I’m in love with the whole thing.

March 16, 2011

“In the mountains, there you feel free. I read, much of the night, and go south in the winter.” – T.S. ELIOT

Lately I guess I’ve been noticing the unreliability of people. It’s pathetic how you can think someone is your best friend and they end up being a psychopath. Or a pathological liar. Or just plain not there in the long run. It’s even more pathetic how even after they turn out so worthless that I fall for it with other people. Then again, it’s how the saying goes, “fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.” I love people, but everybody from around here is tired. And it doesn’t help that my older brother has gone absolutely AWOL. No texts, no calls, no emails. He’s either in trouble or ignoring my whole family, both of which aren’t cool. I’ve been struggling lately and I need someone other than Adam and Madeline to lean on sometimes.

Not that everything’s been bad and requires leaning. Actually, it’s rather looking up. I decided I [don’t really but am going to have to] want to go to college and get an associates’ degree. I want to work with high school kids. Maybe as a speaker, maybe a drug counselor. Or maybe, super ambitious, I’ll be a teacher. 😀 It’s not a complete plan but it’s a step in the right direction.

As of tax refund time I have 700 extra stacks in the bank. I can finally start saving for a vehicle! I’m buying things for my room slowly, until it ends up being enough to furnish a dorm or my own apartment. Yeah it’s far ahead, but it’ll be one less expense to worry about. Also, I like to think I’m getting a lot better at prioritizing my money. I want to punch myself for how much I wasted before the whole California incident.

I’ve been doing volunteer work again, at the computer lab in the library and for some other programs. It’s been getting my mind off of all the senseless things I’ve been worrying about. I’ve also been drowning myself in cheap alcohol and weed. Just kidding. That’s incredibly lame. Still XXX. I think if it wouldn’t look ugly on my stubby fingers and be really pompous I’d get FEAR EDGE on my knuckles.

My new tattoo idea is in full swing, and I’m in the market for someone to take me to make an appointment. Oh heck, I might end up taking the bus one of these days. I have the money and I’m dying to feel the needle like the heroin addict I am. Bars open at 7 a.m. today. *sigh* And I work all morning and night. But it’s okay. I have a stack of books that I bought the other day when I was out with Devin. I’m in for a good few days.

NO, I haven’t been reduced to a sad preteen heap of self pity where I post songs on my blog about how depressed I feel.
Even though yeah, it is pretty real.
But this song’s been my shiiiz for a looong time.
Good mood or bad mood.
Enjoi!

There’s people in the world,
Every day they hide they problems,
They don’t want nobody to judge ‘em
So they just keep it inside of ‘em
They smile when you see ‘em
‘Cause they don’t want you to know somethin’s botherin’ ‘em
But when they all along they just cryin’ in the shower

Your bills done got behind, gotcha scared to check ya mail box
Seem like errbody askin’ for all the things you don’t got
Errbody depend on you
But you can’t never get shit that they got
You did stuff for people
When you could have been helping yourself out
Your heart is good but it don’t got you in some bad spots
You bills keep piling up, it seem like they won’t stop
The economy done got bad, you ain’t got money like you used to
But who seems to cares when all these bills and the rent due?
And sometime it seem like hell you done been through
And sometimes your biggest critics are people you kin to
Why people judge you off the things that you didn’t do?
But you keep it to yourself, no body to turn to

There’s people in the world,
Every day they hide they problems,
They don’t want nobody to judge ‘em
So they just keep it inside of ‘em
They smile when you see ‘em
‘Cause they don’t want you to know somethin’s botherin’ ‘em
But when they all along they just cryin’ in the shower

There’s people in the world,
Every day they hide they problems,
They don’t want nobody to judge ‘em
So they just keep it inside of ‘em
They smile when you see ‘em
‘Cause they don’t want you to know somethin’s botherin’ ‘em
But when they all along they just cryin’ in the shower

Just had an abortion
‘Cause she didn’t wanna disappoint her family
Her momma always told her if she got pregnant she better be married
She ain’t wanna do but she was too afraid to have it
She ain’t tell nobody including the dude that got her pregnant
This whole decision had been fuckin’ with her daily
And uh all she thinking about is god gone hate me and uh
What he gone say about her decision making and
Cryin’ in the shower that’s the only rest haven and
That’s where she go when she wanna escape it
But to the rest of the world she just a innocent baby
So many innocent people in bad situations
And she’s only 14 which makes it even more crazy ‘cause

There’s people in the world,
Every day they hide they problems,
They don’t want nobody to judge ‘em
So they just keep it inside of ‘em
They smile when you see ‘em
‘Cause they don’t want you to know somethin’s botherin’ ‘em
But when they all along they just cryin’ in the shower

There’s people in the world,
Every day they hide they problems,
They don’t want nobody to judge ‘em
So they just keep it inside of ‘em
They smile when you see ‘em
‘Cause they don’t want you to know somethin’s botherin’ ‘em
But when they all along they just cryin’ in the shower

Every day you wake up
With the pressure of the world on your shoulders
You tryin’ to provide for your family
But the world just keep getting colder
You just got news you lost your job
And feel like it’s over
On top that somebody just in yo family died
And  you still ain’t got that closer
It feel like you losing it
You tryin’ to keep your composure
You dealin’ wit it yourself ‘cause everybody so nosy
Your eyes did got heavy your heart is just hurtin’
On the outside your normal
But on the inside you cursin’
Without your job you feel like a whole different person
And one thing you know is the devil workin’
Can’t let him defeat you
That’s what got you so determined
Don’t let nobody judge ya ‘cause ain’t nobody perfect

There’s people in the world,
Every day they hide they problems,
They don’t want nobody to judge ‘em
So they just keep it inside of ‘em
They smile when you see ‘em
‘Cause they don’t want you to know somethin’s botherin’ ‘em
But when they all along they just cryin’ in the shower

Things I am in

March 6, 2011

the market for [some more attainable than others]:

New friends
New ink
New place to live
New medication
New shoes