We’ll all float on.

May 30, 2012

I hope you find what you’re looking for. I hope you find someone to love. I’m glad that you figured out that you need to make changes in your life. It sucks that you hurt me in the process. And not to be a douche, but I don’t owe you anything. Respect that I’m hurting like I’m respecting your choices.

Lotta fights, lotta scars. Lotta bottles, lotta cars. Lotta ups, lotta downs. Made it back. Here I stand, a better man.

I’m lonely and sad all the time. Every day I am grumpy at work, short with annoying customers, and that doesn’t bother me anymore even though it’s unprofessional. It upsets me. I like my job and I’m good at it. But I get talked down to every day of my life. I don’t help people, I just serve the same people over and over and have the same conversations over and over. I find no shame in serving people, either. But I need a career. And I will never be able to do that unless I step up my game. No more crap. I’m making changes I need to make. I have a meeting with a college advisor tomorrow. I will hopefully be enrolled soon. If I don’t like it, sucks for me. I chose it and I’m sticking it out. It’s been two long years and I finally am making positive choices.

‎So a bunch of online colleges are phone stalking me, my birthday was pretty fantastic, work  has been weird, and I want to make friends so I have people to hang out with and live with. But whateva. I’m looking into different types of school and stuff and still on my 9-5 grind, but the money’s running thin and my body is getting worn out. At least that’s how I’m interpreting vomiting every other night for three weeks, to go to the doctor and be told I am still fine and advised to go on birth control. SMH everybody, smh.

“We’ll I’ve been tired ’cause I don’t sleep so well on trains. Well I got ups and downs but days are all the same. I’ve been low, but it never gets me down. Well I’ve been thrown out, I’ve been let down, I’ve been chased. Well I’ve had hardships, I’ve been stripped of pride and name. I’ve been low, but it never gets me down.”

REAL RAP.

March 27, 2012

I like to act like I’m so grown and I’ve got such a handle on myself, but I’m starting to realize that part of being an adult is not kicking people out of my life so easily and getting over things. I tend to dismiss everyone as not important enough, not willing enough, not understanding enough, or not available enough, but the truth is that I put myself in those situations sometimes, too. Two people I consider very close friends are going through a pretty rough breakup right now, and I hope that I can be there for them in the same way that they were always there for me.

I also did some soul searching the past few days, because I’ve been increasingly lonely. And I figured out that baggage isn’t anybody else’s problem. You can’t make yourself miserable all the time just because you’re afraid of getting put in a situation that you’ve already been in, and if I don’t stop sabotoging, overanalyzing, and worrying about everything good I’ve got going on I’m going to end up exactly where I was a year ago.

I want to volunteer more often again. I’ve only done it once or twice in the past six months. But my work schedule sucks, not driving sucks, and I try to spend a lot of free time with the man since I get incredibly bored without him. I’m going to pick up on a few other things, too. We’ll see how this all works out.

“Goodbye to you.
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew.
You were the one I loved, the one thing that I tried to hold onto.
The one thing that I tried to hold onto.”
-Michelle Branch, Goodbye to You

One of those kinda states of mind. Eh. :/ Me and Dougie are attatched at the hip, by the way everyone. He’s one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met and he goes to great lengths to ensure that I am happy, when I don’t ask him to. Also I’ve been getting my hair dyed professionally lately and it looks awesome and I feel so cute and funky. Just thought I’d throw in a positive note or two. :]

Never really been able to form an opinion about it. But I guess I have to agree. It reminds me of that episode of That 70’s Show when Eric wishes that he never met Donna because he can’t take the thought of having her and messing it up. But when they go to take away all his memories and pain of her, it flashes to all his good memories with her. I don’t know why I decided to post this. On my mind I guess, and I’ve been slacking lately.

I don’t know what’s going on anymore.
Subway has been the best friend to me lately.
Times are hard, they’re going to get harder still.
But still, things are much, much better.

Hiii. :3

Nerd world praablemz.

January 30, 2012

I broke my glasses. -.- But I’m literally legally blind or whatever so it’s kinda important for me working and stuff. Conveniant timing, though, my taxxxes are getting done today so I’ll have some refund cash soon. Or at least I’d better. Oh also I really want Curren$y’s new album but I can’t find the drops ANYwhere. FUDGE.

Going back.

January 25, 2012

I want to meet somebody who likes the things that I do. I want to meet somebody that has completely different tastes and styles than me. I want to meet someone shy. I want to meet the most outgoing person in the world. I want to meet somebody that has overcome great obstacles to get to where they are in life and who doesn’t have a single ounce of self-pity. I want to meet someone that has everything handed to them. I want to meet vegan, militant, straight edge warriors. I want to meet laid-back stoners. I want to meet people who have traveled thousands of miles and people who haven’t left their home state. I want to share stories, I want to share hopes and dreams, I want to share my intermost thoughts and feelings. I want to have every conversation I’ve played out in my mind over and over again, and I want to remain a mystery. I want to meet a good listener even though I’m not much of a talker. I want to make someone happy solely by existing.