November 29, 2011

“My only friend is my misery. Wantin’ revenge for the agony they did to me .”
-TUPAC SHAKUR

Crazy.

November 26, 2011

This weekend was exactly what I have needed for the past eight months. Usually I hate Thanksgiving, because I work though it and am not a food person, but this year was the best holiday weekend I’ve ever had. Last night I went to my Realtalk feast and met some new people, caught up with some old ones, dressed real classy, pigged out, you know. Went and did a little shopping for sales with Devin today, had yet another Thanksgiving meal with Kanisha and my family. All in all I’ve been able to put aside the fact that Rosco’s in prison and that life has been depressing. It was a really refreshing and reminded me that things will get better if I let them. College, I’m coming soon!

and it hits me like it does.
But I don’t see a tailor’s trademark, I see light and dust.


 

Hiatus.

November 12, 2011

My week’s paid vacation is up on Tuesday. [Well okay I went into work once because I wanted some more money so I got it extended by a day.] Just like I predicted I did nothing out of the ordinary. Volunteered, hung around the house, drove a friend to the grocery store, bought a new bra that my boobs seem to like, whoooo living on the edge. It sounds like a waste of a vacation but I think I needed to get away from the drama and the annoyances, no matter what I did in abscence of it. I’ve been less sad, but I think it’s primarily because I’ve been focused on communicating with friends via our internet chat. Kinda hard to be sad when you’re laughing at your computer screen. It’s getting harder for me to think of things to say to people, on here and in person. It makes me sad to think I’m losing the biggest parts of myself but it’d take so much energy for me to sit down and write it all out. And if I did, I’d never show it to anyone. I think I’m going to fall off again soon. After December I’m promising myself that I will do SOMETHING to fix this.

And I don’t really smoke but this was just one of those days yo. Popping my favorite cd and let that whole play through.”
-XV, “Swervin”

Goals for Vacation!

November 4, 2011

1. Buy undies since I’ve got some extra spending money.
2. Take a new fackbook picture.
3. Hang out with one person who probably is going to be Will. Because let’s be realistic, if I shoot for the stars and try to hang out with two people, it probably won’t happen.
4. Chill out. Be happy.
5. Clean like crazy.
6. Go to the gym three times in that week.
7. Not go over my budget. Even for groceries.
8. Get to know Bernard more.
9. Sort out my clothes situation.

I was pretty skeptical about Brian Fallon branching off from the Gaslight Anthem. I mean as a diehard Gaslight fan I expect a lot from him and anyone he collaborates with so I was prepared for a letdown. But… my god. I think The Horrible Crowes might just be the best thing since the guy who pointed out that bread is square and bologna is round.

I drive this car through the city every night
There’s a quiet I never heard before
And lonely, my sister could not describe
All the good things gone wrong

And there was blood on my teeth
From the long winter here
Bones broke in half
A stain on my shirt
From a couple hours out with the boys
And all good things come to an end
And all memory has left my bones

If I drove straight off this bridge
Only God and my baby would know
I’m sure she’d be laughing, conjuring spring
With some fella who just said the right thing

And there’d be blood on my teeth
From the long winter here
Bones broke in half
A stain on my shirt
From a couple hours out with the boys
And all good things come to an end

See all I can do is think about you
And miss all your kisses like the spring
But if I had a sign
That one day you’d be mine again, oh no
If I could hold you right then
As the chill in this season sputtered and spit and died with…

Blood on my teeth
From just what they did here
Snow tumbling down on the ground
And me stumbling out of my heart
Finding cherry blossoms on the hood of my car

2011 is

November 1, 2011

almost over, thank god. The only part of November I look forward to is RealThanksGiving with my loves.

No slutty Halloween pictures from me. Spent my second year working 4-12:15 on the holiday. Not that I ever have plans anyway but I was kinda bummed because I had a cute slutty Pocahontas costume idea.

I wish I didn’t still feel the ways I do. I wish I didn’t let my unfortunate situations that I put myself in get me down. Time to get my stuff together, forreal.