March 27, 2012

I like to act like I’m so grown and I’ve got such a handle on myself, but I’m starting to realize that part of being an adult is not kicking people out of my life so easily and getting over things. I tend to dismiss everyone as not important enough, not willing enough, not understanding enough, or not available enough, but the truth is that I put myself in those situations sometimes, too. Two people I consider very close friends are going through a pretty rough breakup right now, and I hope that I can be there for them in the same way that they were always there for me.

I also did some soul searching the past few days, because I’ve been increasingly lonely. And I figured out that baggage isn’t anybody else’s problem. You can’t make yourself miserable all the time just because you’re afraid of getting put in a situation that you’ve already been in, and if I don’t stop sabotoging, overanalyzing, and worrying about everything good I’ve got going on I’m going to end up exactly where I was a year ago.

I want to volunteer more often again. I’ve only done it once or twice in the past six months. But my work schedule sucks, not driving sucks, and I try to spend a lot of free time with the man since I get incredibly bored without him. I’m going to pick up on a few other things, too. We’ll see how this all works out.


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