March 16, 2011

“In the mountains, there you feel free. I read, much of the night, and go south in the winter.” – T.S. ELIOT

Lately I guess I’ve been noticing the unreliability of people. It’s pathetic how you can think someone is your best friend and they end up being a psychopath. Or a pathological liar. Or just plain not there in the long run. It’s even more pathetic how even after they turn out so worthless that I fall for it with other people. Then again, it’s how the saying goes, “fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.” I love people, but everybody from around here is tired. And it doesn’t help that my older brother has gone absolutely AWOL. No texts, no calls, no emails. He’s either in trouble or ignoring my whole family, both of which aren’t cool. I’ve been struggling lately and I need someone other than Adam and Madeline to lean on sometimes.

Not that everything’s been bad and requires leaning. Actually, it’s rather looking up. I decided I [don’t really but am going to have to] want to go to college and get an associates’ degree. I want to work with high school kids. Maybe as a speaker, maybe a drug counselor. Or maybe, super ambitious, I’ll be a teacher. šŸ˜€ It’s not a complete plan but it’s a step in the right direction.

As of tax refund time I have 700 extra stacks in the bank. I can finally start saving for a vehicle! I’m buying things for my room slowly, until it ends up being enough to furnish a dorm or my own apartment. Yeah it’s far ahead, but it’ll be one less expense to worry about. Also, I like to think I’m getting a lot better at prioritizing my money. I want to punch myself for how much I wasted before the whole California incident.

I’ve been doing volunteer work again, at the computer lab in the library and for some other programs. It’s been getting my mind off of all the senseless things I’ve been worrying about. I’ve also been drowning myself in cheap alcohol and weed. Just kidding. That’s incredibly lame. Still XXX. I think if it wouldn’t look ugly on my stubby fingers and be really pompous I’d get FEAR EDGE on my knuckles.

My new tattoo idea is in full swing, and I’m in the market for someone to take me to make an appointment. Oh heck, I might end up taking the bus one of these days. I have the money and I’m dying to feel the needle like the heroin addict I am. Bars open at 7 a.m. today. *sigh* And I work all morning and night. But it’s okay. I have a stack of books that I bought the other day when I was out with Devin. I’m in for a good few days.

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