April 27, 2010

I feel a lot different today. I’m legally able to do more stuff that I probably wouldn’t do anyway.
Every expectation I had today was crushed. I went from a fantastic time at school to being a crying, pathetic heap of a mess in front of Devin because I had to wait a week for my tattoos. As you can guess, it really isn’t about the tattoos. It’s about how I’m about to lose two friends that don’t really seem to care, and how I can no longer attend my own senior prom that I’ve dreamed about since I was a little girl, after not being able to go last year, either. It’s about how bored I am at school. It’s about how much I miss some people and how much I want to build up a wall to keep others from missing me when I’m gone. It’s about how people can get so sick and tired of being sick and tired and how I’ve reached my limit with some things as much as I don’t want to be there. It’s about how Brandon is shipping out sooner than later and my brother might be, too. I can’t even think about how much I’ll miss them right now. More than anything it’s about how frustrated I am over my current situations that are even too personal in my opinion for this attempt-to-open-myself-up blog. But regardless of everything that happened and everything coming, I’m happy still. I wrote my mom a note about how sorry I am for not knowing how to vocally express my gratitude for her and that I’m going to need to do the things I want to do regardless of how she feels about them because I’m trying to be an adult and she needs to respect that. She loves sentimental junk so I think she’ll appreciate it.
My tattoo WILL be happening on Saturday, and I will enjoy myself and have a lovely time even though I will not be at prom. I had a wonderful time at dinner last night and for the majority of today. I won’t let anybody ruin this for me. Keepin’ it posi+++.

“The cessation of desire meant the cessation of suffering.”


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