February 17, 2010

In an effort to get back into writing again, and in an effort to complain about my life before I freak out about everything wrong in a highly embarassing public situation, I’m joining the trendy world of blogging. I’m going to talk about my life and stuff. And I’m already boring myself. So, in short, I will not violate my privacy by spilling my guts and my life to the e-world, where the things I say will be offered to anyone that cares to poke it with a stick. But I will be occasionally sharing my trials and tribulations. Starting now.

1. Today I broke up with my manfriend. He was my first ever boyfriend [I’m 18, aren’t I cool?] because he was one of only two guys that has ever had my heart and the only one that didn’t break it once he had control of it. He is a wonderful person, I hope I didn’t hurt him, and I feel like we each said what we needed to say. I mean, the breakup sucks, but I’m kind of looking forward to life as a single girl again. I also feel guilty thinking about how ‘single’ I liked to act all the time. Part of this was probably because I wanted this day to be easier to adjust to whenever it came. But honestly, that was never me, and I feel like I should have tried harder with this. I’m trying not to drive myself insane with coulda-shoulda-woulda, but considering this is the second time in my life I’ve actually felt this sort of pain in the heart kinda way, I think I deserve it. But if I keep it up it’ll cramp my style so you know.
“If you hold back on the emotions–if you don’t allow yourself to go all the way through them–you can never get to being detached, you’re too busy being afraid.”
Tuesdays with Morrie

2. I cannot wait to graduate. I can, however, wait to start missing everyone I was around for 4 years. I can wait to get kicked out of my house once I’m 18 [unless I find a job in our garbage economy, which isn’t faring well]. I can wait to drift from the people I have all my memories wit. I can wait to not be able to yell at my teachers, to ditch school and detentions and to feel rebellious and cool for NOT wearing dress code color shirts. I can wait to grow up. But geeze, I wanna stop waking up at 6:49 a.m.. πŸ˜›

3. I hate the number three and all things associated.

4. Now I’m better because it’s not a 3. πŸ˜€ Rhinocerous is playing a show in two weeks. I’m getting out of this city for a few days next week. I’m excited for life, all things aside.


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